Warming up to the idea

So I didn’t do good with the food through the week end but did alright yesterday

I should be able to make through today as well.

So Sunday after Hubby went ice fishing with a friend and caught 2 huge pikes, I asked him if we could put the treadmill in the living room next weekend and he said yes!!! I won’t jump of excitement just yet in case he forget about it this week…He is not Alzheimer but see if he still things it’s ok when Saturday comes. I know I could use it right now as walking is about the only thing I can do. I would start at a very slow pace for only 5 min. because I want to get stronger not worst.

The treadmill reviews said it was silent enough so lets hope I can hear the TV while I am using it. Who knows maybe Hubby will see it differently and try it as well…

Finding positive energy

I just wrote a really negative post today and I just remembered that yesterday I asked hubby to take photos of me and take my measurements as well to update my page. There is a real difference from 8 months ago in April. I was weighing around 175 pounds/79.2 kilos and now I am around 132 pounds/73.2 kilos.

I should update this page more often to see things in perspective instead of the usual daily look I take. I am just trying to see more positive than earlier today…

Where is my spirit gone

I had an attempt at getting back on track and I was ok for the first part of the week. Starting from Thursday I logged my food until lunch time than oupsy it ended there. We are now Sunday… TOM is gone thank goodness and I will be giving it another try tomorrow …

My back hurts still and I am getting worried that I will ever get back to my old self. I know I am not being very patient because it was my first week back to work but it’s the week end, I am not working and it hurts. It could be from grocery shopping,vacuuming and other cleaning yesterday but if I cannot do this kind of work it means I cannot do my job because I need to have food and clean the place in order to have a home daycare.

I already took 2 appointment at the Chiropractor to make sure I would get the time that I want. Last week the time they gave me was way to late for me and daughter.

The treadmill is still in the garage packed in its own box… I am not pushing it right now. I could probably walk 5 minutes per day to start with but I wonder if it would get me stronger or just weaken my back…

It’s like all I do is complaining lately, so sick of it…

I am kind of getting worried that I will have to stop working again and that we wouldn’t be able to pay the mortgage…we are not there yet but I always imagine the worst somehow…I know it’s not good to do that but trust me if I could imagine only the best I would for sure.

Bad timing

Yesterday I realised that the week was going to be harder than I though because by back was hurting more than expected. With the usual bad timing TOM then decided to knock at the door.

I know some women get a little grumpy before TOM shows up but for me the grumpiness always comes right with it. I am so cranky today that I almost gave myself a time out. The kids seems to have taken the opportunity to act  badly. They are probably thinking “she is grumpy anyway we might as well do what we are not suppose to” loll.

They are sleeping right now…. …. …it’s so peaceful . Having a day home is not always easy, today it’s a hard day.

I am having trouble with a 31/2 year old who sometimes refuse to listen to me. I always teach the kids not to eat things they find outside unless I say it’s ok. So the little girl has always been eating snow like if it was ice cream, no matter what I could say she would still do it. Today she came to me  showing a piece of ice full of pieces of old leaves and dirt stock inside it. She was happy she found it, which is great but then she goes away and start eating it?!? She is definitely old enough to understand not to eat dirt. I gave her a time-out and explained why. After she got up she just walked away and started to eat snow again. I though ok, maybe I need to make a point of it since she doesn’t seem to make the difference between clean snow or anything else she finds. So after about 5 time-outs in row with her saying sorry while getting up and  starting putting stuff that she finds in her mouth I just gave up. She ate snow, dirty ice blocks that she founds on the ground, probably some with leaves in it as well.

Later after lunch, they played a little so when it was clean-up time she refuse to stop playing so she got another time-out. I made her sit against the wall near the kitchen table. There was  a piece of food that I missed under the table so she picked it and ate it. I then explained to her not to do it and why so she reached and picked another one?!?  I made sure there was none left after that…I know that she is a very smart girl and I just thought that maybe her Mom needs to do a little teaching as well so I will try to talk with her, maybe that kind of stuff doesn’t bother her but I cannot have the others pick that up from her and eat what ever they find, it could be dangerous. What will it be next summer , is she going to stuff her mouth with the mushrooms that grows on the grass?

My hormones are probably making me over reacting but I cannot wait for the week to end. I can’t believe I am saying that! Bloody TOM go away!

To change the subject, I did ok with my food intake yesterday, almost reaching        10 000 steps without even thinking about it or going for a walk!

 

My food plan

Before I show you how I did yesterday here is my Fit bit food plan. I had it way harder before but now it’s  on “take it easy mode”.

I don’t really look at “reach your goal date” because I know that things are never that even or simple. It’s just an estimate and my budget vary according to how active I am and how active I usually am. I was scared to start wearing my Fit bit again because I cannot work out at the moment. Work is at the moment my exercise and it make all the muscles in my back and shoulder ache. I went to the Chiropractor last night and can only go back next week so I sure hope my back can handle the daily “kid work out”.

I did better than I though yesterday and was pretty pleased with myself.

 

I wanted to add another child to my team but decided to wait for my back to be in a better shape. We should be able to pay our bill with my contribution for now so I am thinking it will come in time. I feel very lucky to have my 3 little “day children” and their parents have been very understanding of my illness. I provided them with back up care from another home daycare that used to be government license like me before and I know she could be trusted. That was lucky she had place for all of the 3 children that I am looking after. I think she may have exceeded the allowed number at times when some after-school client were there as well but it was better than the parent missing work and it was their choice to go there or not. Some of my client, like me are not from this town so they don’t have family who can take their children if I am closed so it’s always an inconvenience when I cannot open.

I need my latte now so I am going to go make it

Surprise!!!

I wasn’t not expecting this at all. I got myself to step on the board at 6h30am this morning and guess what? Since the last time I weighed myself(in November) I took 0.2 kilos?!?! About 0.4 pound…I am still stunned by this news as I was expecting 10 pounds at least.

It kind of says how much muscles I lost because my new pants that were kind of loose are now tighter and as I said yesterday my butt as changed back a little to what it was before. I don’t really know how much muscles I have lost(this is when I would use the fit bit scale if I would have it) but it’s very surprising to know that they were responsible for my body getting slimmer and more defined. I remember that it took like a month od exercise and dieting in September to finally see the scale go down so all this time my body was building muscles I guess…I am starting work this morning which means there should be some stairs climbing to my daily routine from now on…one little thing at the time.

The tread-mill is still in the garage for now, I am giving hubby a short break loll

I am going to start logging my food again but I don’t know if I should charge my fit bit and wear it because I won’t be moving as much as I used to and I don’t want it to discourage me. I got to log onto myfitnesspal now…Have a good day!

Back at work tomorrow

I am re-opening my daycare tomorrow morning. The awakening is going to be tough as my routine has been getting up late and going to sleep late. I might try to step on the balance board see how much I took back on.

For the holiday, hubby got heaps of unhealthy treats in a basket and a huge box of fancy cookies and other treats as well. I just got sick of it today and though the rest in the garbage. I just realised that I was eating it because it was there even though I didn’t really like it, just because it was sweet and available. I guess it’s the fist step towards recovery. I say recovery because I really have been off calorie counting for at least 2 months and off healthy eating for like 4 weeks.

I have some of my old butt back and when I realise that it made me pretty upset. It took so long to get where I was and such a short time to lose the muscles and pack the fat back up. I know that not moving at all for the past 3 weeks has something to do with it but it should have made me watch my diet even more.

Anyway it’s too late for what happened but not to late for what can happen!

I am a bit anxious about tomorrow but i will just have to be extra-careful.

Have a good week!

What to say…

It was my turn to pick the “family Christmas present” this year or last year since it’s now 2013. I bought a tread-mill. The (bad) news was taken the hard way from hubby…I guess I didn’t do things right buying it… and then telling him. I am not proud of that part at all and it was very wrong I admitted it. I think he thought I got some of nice looking cabinet to put in the living room and was disappointed on top of being angry at me for the bad choice.

Last year he really wanted to get the whole ice fishing gear. The tent, heater, lamp, fishing rods, hole maker. I wasn’t thrilled at all but at least he asked for my opinion first and I said yes but the next would be my pick. Fishing is not my thing at all, in fact I just hate having to hope and wait forever and there is never anything at the end of the line. I said yes to the ice fishing gear but only to please him.

Guess what? I have learned to like it. I still don’t care much about the fishing part of it because my kind of fishing would be with a net in an aquarium but I like the open space and the view, being outside, not having to watch my child beside the water, being able to have  a walk on the lake, being with my family and finally catching some fish and eat it, something that never happened to us in summer in Alberta.

So when hubby started to act as if I were crazy for picking such a bad present I reminded him that I thought that  fishing gear for a present sucked last year 2011 but that I have learned to like it and that maybe he would learn to like the tread-mill, after all he would need it just as much as me.

I got it for myself because I need something new to continue my journey but I also got it for him in hope that he would exercise a little before it’s too late. He is obese and apart from the steps he takes at work there is no exercise. He has cholesterol and drinks those stevia yogurt but don’t watch his diet very much.

Something I cannot do for him is to make him change his way but I was dreaming about him having a walk while watching TV. His health is at risk and he doesn’t do much about it but he doesn’t seem to realise that we need him and that he has responsibility to be alive for me but especially for our daughter.

I would like my daughter to have her daddy for a long time(he his such a great daddy to her) and for me to have my partner for a long time as well. It’s why I want it in the living room because this is where we are.

I don’t like to be confined to a room for exercise, it has never worked for me. I need it there  to continue and to reach my goal. Hubby says it doesn’t make any sense, that it will take the whole place, it will look silly etc. I don’t care about the look of our living room as much as I care for our health. A nice cabinet would have looked nice but wouldn’t do much for a healthy life and look nice myself.

I am running out of argument. I don’t see what the big deal is, it’s not like he is using the living room floor for anything. When he is in the living room, he is on the couch watching TV, his phone or iPad.

If I could lift the thing by myself I would do it anyway and I am sure he would see that it’s not so bad after all…but I need him to help…so frustrating! I love him deeply but sometimes we see things so differently…so frustrating!

So is it about where to put the tread-mill or it’s about getting hubby on a healthier life? I just thought it could be easier to get US on a healthier track if this tool would be right here, where we hang out, easy access, ready to use at anytime.

If you have any good point that I didn’t use feel free to write it down for me!

Vegetarian Chili

The other day I have watched one of my favourite cooking show. Ricardo was making a vegetarian chili. Because I have never made chilli and that it had beans in it which I like, it appealed to me right away. I already had a huge sweet potato here so I was half way there loll. Because being myself is not always easy I though I knew what else I needed to buy to make the recipe(you know from memory) so I bought a can of black beans and 2 peppers.

When I finally read the recipe online I was missing frozen corn and 1 can of beans so I put more peppers and an apple for the sweetness. For once I wanted to really follow a recipe but it might an impossible thing to do for me loll

The recipe is from Ricardo cuisine but from the French side of the website only. I didn’t find it in English. Ricardo had a cooking show for many years in Québec(Canada) in French but he is now on the food channel with a show in English.

Anyway made the recipe which was easy, healthy and yummy! I love vegetarian stuff with beans in it. At the end of the recipe there was a link saying your can serve with corn bread so I also made his corn bread recipe and the 2 things together was so delicious. I can see myself going ice fishing next Sunday and having a bowl of chilli to warm things up!

Here is the recipe translated if you would like to try.

Black bean vegetarian chili

• 2 onions, chopped
• 30 ml (2 tbsp.) olive oil
• 1 red pepper diced
• 3 garlic cloves chopped
• 1 t jalapeño , seedless, chopped
• 45 ml (3 c. tbsp. chili) powder
• 15 ml (1 tbsp.))  paprika
• 1 can of 796 ml (28 oz.) diced tomato
• 2 cans  540 ml (19 oz.) black beans, rinsed and drained
• 500 ml (2 cups) sweet potato, peeled and diced
• 125 ml (½cup) vegetable stock
• 375 ml (1 ½ cup) frozen corn
• 125 ml (½ cup) peanuts, grilled and chopped
• 125 ml (½ cup) fresh cilantro roughly chopped

Preparation

1. In a pot cook the onions in olive oil until golden. Add the peppers, garlic,spices and jalapeno. Cook for 2 minutes
2. Add tomato, beans, sweet potato, the stock and bring to boil. let simmer with no lid until the sweet potato is done, about 30 minutes Add corn and peanuts and cook some more. Add cilantro at the end and serve with corn bread.

For my version of the recipe

I only had 1 can of beans, 2 peppers, green Tabasco instead of jalapeno(cannot handle heat), left the peanut whole and used crushed coriander(cilantro) seeds instead of the fresh stuff. I also added 1 tsp. of cumin and chicken stock instead of veggie stock. I guess it is what cooking is all about…using what you have and being creative within boundaries. Now that I have written it I can making it again if I want. It’s not usually the case loll Now I still want to try the real recipe(as if) and I don’t know what it would taste like but my version was great!

For 2013…I am hoping

I hope everyone had a good tie throughout the holidays. I didn’t post for ages and don’t know where to re-start…

I have been struggling with something I cannot really control but that is in my life anyway and I am starting to cope better and maybe accept a little, just a little because me being a control freak confronted to a problem I cannot control has been very hard on me.

So our holidays was going to be very quiet just the 3 of us at the other end of the world from hubby’s family and at the other end of the country from my family in eastern Canada. You probably wonder why we are living away from everybody and I also wondered about it a lot through the holidays…

On the Thursday before the Christmas break I shuffled and hurt my back, just a bit like usual and I was ok after but Friday morning I got up. I should say that I tried to get up and had to hold on to every wall and everything on my way to the kitchen with horrible pain in my back. I still managed to work that day. It was our daycare Christmas party, I had presents for the kids and surprises and didn’t want them to miss out. Oh my I suffered but I didn’t know at that point that it wasn’t the worst. Saturday I was so bad that I could hardly walk and my obligated trip to the bathroom was a real challenge as Hubby was at work. Thank God I had my sweet 5 year-old angel getting for me everything I needed. So I spent 3 days trying to walk when hubby caught a really bad cold.

Our Christmas dinner was vegetable soup and I felt so thankful to at least have something to eat. Then my daughter got even sicker than husband…I felt so helpless, handicapped. I had so much trouble looking after my own daughter. It was a rough time then of course when I was finally able to move around with my new cane I got sick too…

We ended up at the emergency room, daughter and I got antibiotics for chest infections and I also got pills for my back. Apparently I pinched a nerve…Of course back pain(big horrible back pain) , cough and sneeze don’t go well together. Ouch!!!! I didn’t know that it was possible but I have learned to control it and stop it from happening. Almost all of it.

So when the shops were finally opened I went to the chiropractor for three days in a row and I am still going this week. Thank God it worked and hopefully I will be able to start my daycare next Monday. I am still carrying my cane around(it makes me feel like an old woman, hopefully I won’t need it until it becomes an extension of my arm) and being extra careful but I was able to vacuum and clean up that 2-weeks of mess today. Hubby was in his job’s busiest time of the year while all this was going on so he wasn’t much of a house keeper. The house looked like someone had poured stuff all over any flat surface possible followed buy a hurricane.

My hope for this year would be:

– No more (big)bad surprises in my life.

– To have my back back so I can exercise again(I had a shock today before my shower. It’s all looking like I took a few pounds of jelly stuff.

-To go back on track soon with no more cookies chocolate and “poor me” stuffing my mouth with fatty food.

-To be able to do what I have to do without having constantly to ask hubby to carry something for me.(my back again)

-No more flu or cold please or at least only one bad thing at the time.

-To see my family

-To reach my weight goal.

There is some of this wish list that I can have some sort of control over so there is hope for some of my hopes and the rest is in other hands.

Ironically our family Christmas present was a tread-mill this year(my pick) and I still have trouble to walk so it’s kind of funny when you think about it. It’s still in the garage… I was hoping that hubby might decide to have a walk if he could watch TV in the same time and that I could use it as well.

I don’t really feel ready to attack the second part of school year with the taekwondo 2 times a week but I guess I will just have to take it 1 day at the time until it finishes. I don’t know where some parents take their energy from because I know some who have something every night!

I am definitely not on track or even see the the track right now but I think I am back on my blog and it always helped! Thanks to my good friends who stock around waiting for me(you will recognise yourselves)! Your friendship is priceless!

I almost forgot, it has been more than a year since I am trying to find a healthier me while blogging. I started Nov.25 2011…I cannot believe I am still there having a go at it. Not bad, not bad at all. I mean I still didn’t give up